"I remember you. This feeling isn't new. So please don't be scared of me. Please don't be scared of me." --Drake, "Fear"
Fear. It's a human emotion. It's one that we all experience at some point in our life, but rarely do we admit that we are in fact afraid. We'll offer remedies about what to do to battle fear, how hope lives within us all and that if you remain afraid, you will only stand in your own way. While it is true that fear can consume you if you let it, that doesn't make it any less real.
Lately I've been experiencing fear. In waves. It waxes and wanes like the tide, and isn't always a daily occurrence but it seems to be propelling me forward. Drawing me closer and closer to December 20th.
So why am I afraid? Where is this fear coming from?
I graduate from college on December 20th. Finally, after four and a half years of blood, sweat and tears, I will have a bachelor's degree. Great. Only problem is...where do I go from here?
The easy answer is out into the workforce. I know that I would like to go back to school, but going right away isn't an option for me, and frankly I can't take anymore of school. I need a break..my brain hurts.
So here I am, it's October and I'm planning my triumphant entry into the workforce. Yes, I said triumphant because in spite of my fear I remain hopelessly optimistic. I remember back in May when a lot of my friends were graduating they were all telling me how fortunate I am to be graduating in December. "you can ride out some of this recession" they said. "Things will be so much better by then" they told me.
Whelp, here we are in the midst of one of the worst job markets ever. Executives are getting laid off. What makes you think a company would create an entry level position when they can have an intern or student worker for half the cost? But that is the least of my worries. In fact, that is not really what I am afraid of.
I'm afraid of my career aspirations. Yes, I am afraid of what I have chosen to do with the rest of my life. And somehow, I have to let this fear propel me forward, make me hungry, keep me hungry, let it inspire me.
What I really want to do is have a career in the arts as an arts administrator and have a career in the music business. I believe I'm capable of doing both. But sometimes I get afraid. I become afraid of the dreams that I have because they're so big, they seem larger than life sometimes. I'm afraid because I know that I am going to be taking a paycut compared to my peers when I graduate all because I can't see myself doing anything else. I don't care if I take a job that only pays $20,000 a year if it's what I want to do. Shoot, I will be someones intern when I graduate...I don't care. But honestly, that doesn't make me any less afraid.
I've already started to make sacrifices to plan for my future and go after what I want. I moved back home so I wouldn't have to buy groceries and pay rent. I drive back and forth from Baltimore County to P.G. county everyday. I'm taking 15 credits and working 20 hours a week, and sometimes I can't help but feel afraid. Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is in vain, because nothing is guaranteed.
I'm graduating from college with a liberal arts degree. Sometimes I get annoyed when people, after I tell them my major, assume that I can't do anything with that degree. My degree is just a piece of paper that said that I worked hard, and I learned, and I'm capable of doing work. My paper is no different or less valuable than yours.
So this is my opportunity to vent, because I really needed to get this all out into the universe. I believe that hard work pays off, and that you should make sacrifices for the things you love, but I honestly can't help but feel fear every now and then...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
"I Do:" Is it possible for a marrige between artistry and commerce?
Last month I got into a rather lively debate with a music industry insider about the current state of the music industry. I can’t recall exactly how we headed down this road; as we started off having casual conversation, but suddenly talk shifted to whether or not Souljah Boy was relevant as an artist and how it didn’t matter if someone was a good singer or rapper as long as they moved units.
Now being the owner of an artistic mind (I went to an arts highschool..BSA stand up!), I couldn’t help but argue for the preservation of artistry in the music industry. I’m one of those people who believes the radio doesn’t really play good music anymore and wouldn’t have Souljah Boy’s album if I got it for free. Well, this gentleman kindly told me that it doesn’t really matter because Souljah Boy is getting people out their seats and he’s moving units and he’s big money. He cited an example where he had been at a party that was full of professionals where they all went crazy for the “Stanky Legg.” That’s all fine and good, and I can’t sit here and say that I don’t go crazy and start dancing when I hear the stanky legg when out and about at night, but I don’t want to hear it twelve times on my commute home.
I don’t have a problem with people making money in the music business. It is a business; meaning the main goal is to be profitable. We all know that some of the richest performers are just that performers. Meaning that they probably aren’t the best singers but they put on a show, you can’t pull your eyes away from them when they are on the stage (Britney spears circa the Britney album). I respect that and know that there is a place for all of that. The Souljah Boys of the world pump money back into their respective labels and support those with less “ commercial appeal.”
What I take issue with is that there is not a happy marriage between commerce and artistry in the case of the music industry. There are very few industries whose profit rest solely on the backs of creative material. Yes there is the music business, and yes there is the publishing business; but beyond that no other industries come to mind.
It is possible for me to go onto a long rant about how there is a lack of competition in radio (I mean there is satellite radio, and the there is Clear Channel, and then Kathy Hughes with Radio One). In reality there are only two record labels and scores of indies, and the proposed Ticketmaster/LiveNation merger would create one of the craziest monopolies of this century. However, it’s obvious that things need to change...but what are these changes?
1. Competition in radio.
Clear Channel owns a lot of radio stations. It’s somewhere in the thousands according to the documentary Before the Music Dies (which you can watch on hulu.com for free). Then there is Radio One which basically has the urban radio market in a chokehold. Whelp, if there isn’t any competition you’re going to hear the same 12 songs over and over again because no one is daring to play anything different. They want to make sure they have your ears. Hmm..maybe the government should step in and make it so that Clear Channel can’t own thousands of radio stations…Imjustsayin.
2. Balance.
Balance is relative. And it is also a very broad term. So what would balance entail? It means that there would be equal parts music that you can party too and music that serves a different purpose. There is room for more than one type of music on the radio. You can swear up and down that there is more than one type of music being played on your radio station but there isn’t. It’s the same beats over and over again with a different cast of characters in each song. A lot of people don’t know what’s out there because they aren’t exposed to it. Honestly, not everyone scours hip hop blogs or has cool music hipsters in their spear of influence.
There is no way to tell what will and won’t work in the future. It is possible that the industry will continue on its commerce-driven path, or that there will be a renaissance of sorts; a “back to basics” approach. With the rise of artists releasing their material via mixtape (thus cutting out the middle man), artists dropping unreleased tracks via twitter, and songs like Jay-Z’s D.O.A., it is possible that a renaissance is already upon us. Perhaps it is possible for commerce and artistry to have a happy and productive union.
Now being the owner of an artistic mind (I went to an arts highschool..BSA stand up!), I couldn’t help but argue for the preservation of artistry in the music industry. I’m one of those people who believes the radio doesn’t really play good music anymore and wouldn’t have Souljah Boy’s album if I got it for free. Well, this gentleman kindly told me that it doesn’t really matter because Souljah Boy is getting people out their seats and he’s moving units and he’s big money. He cited an example where he had been at a party that was full of professionals where they all went crazy for the “Stanky Legg.” That’s all fine and good, and I can’t sit here and say that I don’t go crazy and start dancing when I hear the stanky legg when out and about at night, but I don’t want to hear it twelve times on my commute home.
I don’t have a problem with people making money in the music business. It is a business; meaning the main goal is to be profitable. We all know that some of the richest performers are just that performers. Meaning that they probably aren’t the best singers but they put on a show, you can’t pull your eyes away from them when they are on the stage (Britney spears circa the Britney album). I respect that and know that there is a place for all of that. The Souljah Boys of the world pump money back into their respective labels and support those with less “ commercial appeal.”
What I take issue with is that there is not a happy marriage between commerce and artistry in the case of the music industry. There are very few industries whose profit rest solely on the backs of creative material. Yes there is the music business, and yes there is the publishing business; but beyond that no other industries come to mind.
It is possible for me to go onto a long rant about how there is a lack of competition in radio (I mean there is satellite radio, and the there is Clear Channel, and then Kathy Hughes with Radio One). In reality there are only two record labels and scores of indies, and the proposed Ticketmaster/LiveNation merger would create one of the craziest monopolies of this century. However, it’s obvious that things need to change...but what are these changes?
1. Competition in radio.
Clear Channel owns a lot of radio stations. It’s somewhere in the thousands according to the documentary Before the Music Dies (which you can watch on hulu.com for free). Then there is Radio One which basically has the urban radio market in a chokehold. Whelp, if there isn’t any competition you’re going to hear the same 12 songs over and over again because no one is daring to play anything different. They want to make sure they have your ears. Hmm..maybe the government should step in and make it so that Clear Channel can’t own thousands of radio stations…Imjustsayin.
2. Balance.
Balance is relative. And it is also a very broad term. So what would balance entail? It means that there would be equal parts music that you can party too and music that serves a different purpose. There is room for more than one type of music on the radio. You can swear up and down that there is more than one type of music being played on your radio station but there isn’t. It’s the same beats over and over again with a different cast of characters in each song. A lot of people don’t know what’s out there because they aren’t exposed to it. Honestly, not everyone scours hip hop blogs or has cool music hipsters in their spear of influence.
There is no way to tell what will and won’t work in the future. It is possible that the industry will continue on its commerce-driven path, or that there will be a renaissance of sorts; a “back to basics” approach. With the rise of artists releasing their material via mixtape (thus cutting out the middle man), artists dropping unreleased tracks via twitter, and songs like Jay-Z’s D.O.A., it is possible that a renaissance is already upon us. Perhaps it is possible for commerce and artistry to have a happy and productive union.
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